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Photo: Jura Mountains near Thoiry (01)
The 30 year period during which state secrets are kept ... sort of ... erm ... well ... secret, is now coming to an end for the dark and mysterious events involving secret meetings held in locations so well kept secret that not one of the gang members involved ever actually knew the location or was able to attend.
You know what I'm talking about don't you! We know you do so there's no point denying it! You were skint in 1975 weren't you?!
The meetings of the 1975 SKINT Team (the Stock market Keynesian International and National stocks and shares Trading team) where the Selwyn Jones High School Stock Market Game Team for 1975 met to discuss the key market indicators and the jealously prized information normally only available to Chief Executives thus enabling the SKINT Team to select buy and sell stocks and shares with an accuracy and timing so uncanny that only those like myself that know the truth that Nick Leeson was in fact Ian Atkinson's secret illegitimate love child and the result of a secret assignation with another gang member, could understand.
However, the cunning of the team did not end there! Rather than risk giving away the secret of their incredible almost 'insider trading' like success, the group carefully and meticulously camouflaged this genius by buying and selling other shares that were clearly no hopers at the most inopportune moments, thus avoiding for ever to reveal the secret of their amazing ability to the outside world.
However, the 30 years of secrecy will shortly come to an end, and it is essential that group members meet to get their story right in advance of the enormous press interest that will soon envelop them, so that the chilling secrets can remain secret and be taken with them to the grave (hmm, though perhaps not just yet of course!).
Who was the genius who spearheaded the campaign for buying duff shares and was so successful that nobody ever guessed as to my incredible genius and skill for selecting brilliant shares. Thanks to that person and the skills taught to me by them at that time, I've managed to hide my skills ever since!!
Some members of the gang have already agreed in principle to a secret meeting in a mountain top hideaway (hopefully not quite as secret as those secret meetings held to select the shares in 1975 or else we'll never meet up! - and OK, so Geneva isn't actually mountain top - but it so nearly could have been thanks to Acky persuading me to do A level geography without first doing O level, grrrh).
However, like with other almost as momentous events elsewhere in the world, time is running out - so get in touch to confirm your agreement to attend without delay so that we can finalise the arrangements. To ensure the secrecy essential to the success of this meeting, we're giving it a codename. So, Lissen veree kerrfullee four a shal say zis onlee wonce, ze 'Selwyn Jones High School Stock Market Game Team Members from Lionel Barkers 1975 Economics Class mini-Reunion for those invited and who can come and meet up in Geneva sometime in April or May 2003'. Catchy eh? The appropriate code word is 'Yes John, I'd like to attend'. (OK OK so it's more of a code sentence).
I await receipt of the code words from interested parties.
Agent Scully, I mean Genders (hangon was Scully the bloke or the woman then?)
PS, being serious just for a minute, well almost anyway, there are so far four interested parties hoping to get together for a reunion in Geneva area in April or May - are you going to be the fifth column?
| Date | Comment |
| 10/5/03 | You're too late!! It happened and you should have been there!! |
(Photo: last known photo's of suspects as supplied by Interpol)
 |
Dianne Boden |
 |
Annette Unsworth |
 |
Jill Illingworth - Unfortunately Scottish authorities have refused to allow extradition to Switzerland. |
 |
John Genders |
 |
Ian Atkinson |
Click here to check out other possible suspects
*** NEWSFLASH ***
Interpol have just released this (latest) photo of the gang taken by a
secret photographer (who has now gone missing!)
**** end of news flash ****
To help agents with their linguistics in French speaking country's, I'll add a word a day for you to learn - please note you may be tested on these later - anyone scoring badly may be given detention!.
The words come from an authentic learning aid aimed at 11 year old children (it really is honest):
- capital of Burkina (was once Upper Volta apparently - aren't you glad you learned that).
- an inheritance
- a giant frog which lives in Canada
- a leap year (probably not what you thought at first was it).
- soviet machine gun (yes, essential for 11 year olds to know such words).
- warn out clothes (obviously only applies to clothes worn by men, well women don't wear the same clothes long enough do they?)
- someone who eats horse meat (probably not Princess Anne)
- tarantula (nothing to do with Chris Tarrent, rather a spider from southern europe)
- tarantula (nothing to do with Chris Tarrent, rather a spider from southern europe)
- oesophagus (handy to explain when you're choking)
- pumice stone (not one of Del boy's favourite name's for Rodney)
- an Alsatian cake (not to be mistaken for an Alsatian dog)
- scarf warn by Muslim women to hide their face (standard issue in Afghanistan until the americans dropped in)
- hoodlum (not where they sell drinks in a 'rest room')
- mourning (no NOT the opposite of afternoon type)
- attitude of superiority (obviously doesn't apply to us - we ARE superior aren't we?)
2003 AEB Examination - English Litterature, Paper 1. You have 1 hour.
Question 1: Write a short story of about 1000 words describing what happened when some old school friends meet up again after almost 30 years. Illustrate your answer as appropriate.